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Ok, I found, still in the box, the Mace Windu PURPLE bladed lightsaber I got years ago when I got another one for my sister (they were 2-for-1 in clearance). This is the high-end Force FX version. I have the idea of selling it, but I may also want to hold onto it so I can give it to someone in the future. Which lead me to consider musical collectible questions to the tune of ‘Drunken Sailor’:

What to do with a purple saber
What to do with a purple saber
What to do with a purple saber
Early in the morning?

Put it on e-bay and make a profit
Put it on e-bay and make a profit
Put it on e-bay and make a profit
Early in the morning?

Give it away in a future prospect
Give it away in a future prospect
Give it away in a future prospect
Early in the morning?



Or is there another option I haven’t considered…?
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So it looks like I have even MORE problems in terms of things going after my critters at night. In addition to bobcats, coyotes, feral dogs, aliens, and raccoons, I now have ZOMBIES!



This was taken by my wildlife camera. I didn't edit it at all except to crop out some extraneous black area on the sides. This is obviously absolute proof that the zombie apocalypse is upon us and we should all freak out and panic while rushing to the store to buy stuff that won't keep without refrigeration when the power goes out.

Or I may be mixing up my responses with what you're supposed to do for a hurricane. I need to look it up. It's also just possible that infrared light does NOT bring out my best features and I need to stay away from my own camera at night, but I think I'll stick with the explanation that doesn't require me to actually care. It's still better than the alien raccoon that abducted my camera and did selfies with it last July.

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I noticed something this year. When the loggers cut the trees near us, they took out a lot of habitat. We bought the whole thing, and are restoring it, but the trees we’ve planted offer a lot of hiding spots for insects but do not yet support birds or the like very well. This has made for a real mess this year of mosquitoes and deer flies.

On the bright side, the tick issue is better as we have a lot of chickens that are free roaming (with five more just born yesterday), but we need something similar for the biting flying pests. Here are my attempts in recent times:



The stumps are about 20 feet tall or so, left over from some trees that were going to hit the house that had to be cut. I have purple martin houses on two, and bat houses on another two. There will also be a small roof put on the third trunk soon to make a shaded bark patch for clinging critters like swallows and swifts.

Either way, if this works, I will have the birds for day, the bats for night, and the mosquitoes in a little flying-creature purgatory till I can get some trees in the right range to support them.

If the bat houses work well I may also get a maternity house with a compartment for raising babies, they can do so in these small simple ones but they are not ideal. I’ll have to wait and see what sort of response I get. The bats are a particular problem due to temperatures, which is why I have the houses facing different ways. I figure I will see which one is the best and move the other to match.

Wish me luck and the mosquitoes NO luck…
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Spoke too soon on not having seen enough weird stuff, I saw Elvis! At a gas station! And it was such a perfect likeness (hair, sunglasses, jumpsuit, etc) that I’m pretty sure it wasn’t really him, as the real Elvis would be close to 80 now and I doubt he would be dressing like ‘himself’ if he was trying to hide after all this time, assuming he wasn’t in a retirement home.

But if you overlook those issues, WOW! I had an Elvis sighting! I am sorry to say that I didn’t take pictures or bug the guy, as he was minding his own business pumping gas, though he did wave a lady who stared at him like he was crazy. I figure when you do that sort of thing, you’re entitled to some respect simply for being able to pull it off. I can’t criticize, at my church’s Halloween party I showed up as a homeless paranoid alien raving about conspiracy theories. It’s not good form to undermine other insane people.

Wait a minute...it's not Halloween...CONSPIRACY!!!


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After some comments that I will assume were sarcastic and a suggestion to watch Invader Zim, which turned out to be hilarious, I will just go ahead and admit that I don’t think I’m cut out to be a ‘paranormal investigator’. Let’s face it, I just don’t ignore reality enough, or on those occasions I do, I’m not sure my own version of reality would work for TV as most of the time it doesn’t photograph well.

Take ghost hunting for example. I didn’t get it. HOW do you expect to take a picture of something that doesn’t reflect light? Or audio-record something you claim is psychic and isn’t using air-vibrations to talk at all? I think driving around looking for ghosts is a waste of gas, I’m reasonably sure I could get just as good a set of results with a lawn chair.

I’ve also never, to the best of my knowledge, seen an alien spacecraft. This one isn’t as hard, because that sort of thing is pretty easy to fake if you can find the Wal-mart clearance rack and don’t sweat production quality (see below), but the fact that I’m not willing to rant about it enough to get myself arrested means I am likely deficient when it comes to this job too:




And bigfoot photographs are a HUGE problem for me, as the only semi-bipedal hairy thing in my woods and I do not really get along well enough to stage photos. The swamp bear and myself both hold the opinion that the other one is a potentially dangerous nut with a long species history of violence for no readily apparent reason. As such, on the extremely rare occasions we get within sensory range of each other, we BOTH tend to head somewhere else immediately. So far, no one has offered to mediate the issue (my own mother says me and the bear are probably BOTH right and would likely have mutual “accidents” if we got anywhere near each other, she apparently doesn’t trust EITHER of us). This makes taking a blurry movie very difficult, and my wildlife camera takes way too clear of pictures to be good for this type of job.

I think I’m out of luck.
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In the swamp, we have some odd islands. The fact that there ARE islands is funny as this swamp used to be dry land a while back, but these things rise and fall rather randomly. At first we thought it was water level, but now we know that it happens regardless. It may be, since they wiggle a bit when poked, that they are not ‘land’ at all but could be very large mounds of vegetation. But that explanation doesn’t hold up well either as they seem solid enough when you jab an oar into them (despite the wiggling).

When we first got the land, explored a lot of it, and found these things, we thought they were funny. When they vanished we pretty much confirmed it. When they began to come and go, with lily pads on top where they literally rose up from under them (with the roots of the pads still in them where they’d been part of the bottom of the pond previously) we gave up sorting it out for now and decided to have fun with them.

In addition to a carnivorous plant garden, I came up with a very funny idea with one of the larger ones. There is an old Lovecraft story called “The Call of Cthulhu” that deals with an island called R’lyeh, that rises and sinks every so often. Part of the story also takes place in a swamp where a small statue of the creature is found. Merging the ideas, thank you to Joe Broers of http://zombiequadrille.deviantart.com/ who has made several things for me in the past! I told him of my joke plan, and he made a very nice custom Cthulhu statue with the color consistent throughout (as it has to survive occasional random immersion for indeterminate periods). I’ve bonded it to two blocks oriented to maximize surface area to avoid sinking into the island, though I don’t know yet how well that will work.




Thus far it looks GREAT if you can see it (and admittedly most can’t due to it being in my area) but Joe took one of the pictures and made it look even more period-appropriate.



The real fun, though, comes in a few hundred years when, due to vegetative decay, the swamp fills in. Eventually someone will dig into it, and find this thing. I did note that I should probably put in a disclaimer so some poor anthropologist doesn’t go insane, but Joe noted that he WANTED the guy to go insane. So…eventual archaeological digs excavate my home at their own risk. And best of all, no one will suspect me in the eventual joke/hoax as they won't think to implicate someone who will have been gone for about 200 years.

I don’t make anything off this (and in fact I think I underpaid massively for it considering that I may wind up drowning his work prematurely depending on what the island does) but if you are interested in his stuff, you can find it at his web site or the Lovecraft E-zine page at http://lovecraftzine.com/store/
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Yesterday was a very good day that was trying very hard to be a very bad day. For example, I ripped my pants between labs REALLY bad, but I was wearing a long lab coat at the time and had my emergency backup pants in the car as usual (destroying what I'm wearing is not that uncommon for me). No one even noticed something happened at all. Then I was taking a pull-cart to the second floor. The door opened, I stepped into the elevator, and the power died to the whole building. The doors were still open and everything, so I turned around and lifted the cart up the stairs.

Realizing that something was horribly wrong with all this, I made sure to buy a cheap lottery ticket on the way home. It was a total looser. Hopefully that's reset things are back to normal now before this miscalibration REALLY breaks something.
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Some people have been calling my incredible UFO photograph fake. Something about a straw and my hand being visible in the photograph. I say, how you do you dismiss such great evidence with such flimsy arguments? How do you know that among the infinite starfaring races across the cosmos, one of them that decided to visit this planet happened to have an amazing FTL technology that happens to be based on soda straws and my hand? There’s an infinite number of stars- (this argument goes on for about another hour or so, and I saw most of it watching “Ancient Aliens” in a hotel room on a business trip. The History Channel has gone WAY downhill since I last had cable ten years ago).

Anyway, I noticed watching that crap that the response to a possible hoax being found seems to be a response that involves even worse production values, so in keeping with that tradition:

Here are NEW photos of my UFO sighting, absolutely authentic! They are most certainly not made with a glow-in-the-dark Frisbee and some toilet paper tubes. And if someone would cough up that million dollars for pics, imagine how much better my images could be if I could get better equipment? Like a BIGGER Frisbee! And tubeless toilet paper! Maybe even fishline!



I'm also happy to note that my UFO pictures are STILL better quality than most of what is taken seriously anyway.
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Just for the record, I am absolutely not trying to fake a UFO picture in order to sell it to some idiot for a million dollars only to be discovered as a fraud on my deathbed, thus invalidating the decades of other sightings and investigations that my fraudulent story would foster, leading to confusion years after the fact as researchers continue to cite my case as evidence for their conclusions, unaware of the fakery.

Certainly not at the prices I’ve been quoted so far, anyway. Geeze, people, at least offer a book deal…


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Hello, everyone, sorry for the long absence! This semester has been nuts. I just got back from a business trip to Chattanooga, where I was able to get a Chattanooga Choo Choo music box/snow globe mailed to myself as the airplane couldn’t take it. Everyone knows, after all, that snow globes and tactical nuclear devices are physically identical. Anyway, somehow it beat me home!

We had a very good Easter, Carol made lunch and we set up my father’s headstone in the new area we bought, and scattered his ashes ten years after he died, plus some flower seeds. Now I need to go down and cut more briars.

Hopefully I will be able to get pictures up soon and be more regular. March was NOT my month…
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In regards to the arrests of people who planned to travel to Syria or Iraq to learn terror, the bluntest way I can put this is, those people are idiots. If you REALLY want to cause a panic, it’s much simpler. Just go to a grocery store when these big ice storms are hitting, and when no one is looking set up a sign that says “Out of bread, milk, and eggs”.

That should do it, and you don’t need to buy weapons. The prices on those things are outrageous anyway.
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Ok, I’m going to try to post up some good news for a change! First, after several years and a lot of problems, the land behind my house is bought and paid for, meaning that we now have about 50 acres that are bordered by water on multiple sides, effectively preventing the houses that will someday go in near the highway from bugging us that badly. Additionally, the paperwork that set up the deal specifically exempts us from any of their odd land covenants that housing divisions have, despite us technically having bought a ‘lot’ out of it. That lot consists of a chunk of land considerably larger than anything else they have, plus the area out to the middle of the water, meaning they can’t mess with the swamps without setting off a legal battle with both the EPA and us at the same time. I’ve been trying to get that land for three generations of a prior family who owned it, now it’s done.

Also, today I got in a new sonic screwdriver remote control. My old one got used at work a lot, and finally seemed to develop problems with the battery. The Wand Company, despite being told truthfully that it was WAY out of warranty, asked to see it anyway, and they actually replaced it! Thank you to the Wand Company for supporting a product that they had no reason whatsoever to care about! I appreciate it and will be picking up more of their stuff (I already have two different screwdrivers and a phaser from them, I may need an actual wand now).

And also Thank You to some of the people in our church. I won’t stick their names over the net, but they gave my family a lot of fence, chicken houses, and feed buckets that we’re going to use to totally rebuild the chicken coops. Once it’s done, the old one will be coming down, and rather than try to make it into part of the yard, Mom wants to put the garden there. After all, a bunch of chickens have lived there a while, the soil has a lot of plant food ready to go without having to pay for it. It should work fine.

Now to program the remote, clear out a lot of vines and poison ivy, plant trees, and fill the moat with snapping turtles.
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Here’s my entry for the stupor bowl, Sam the pug dog, who as far as I can tell has been passed out cold for the last three weeks. I believe he is the best chance to win this season, though I doubt he will notice.



On the other hand, if they change the event to the STUPID bowl, I have to say that my sister’s new Chiuaua “Mo” will probably beat out Henry the pug-wawa this year, due to his breaking into the goat pen yesterday to try to steal old tortillas, resulting in his temporary exile from the house due to room-clearing ‘goat flavored flatulence’. Congratulations Mo on a totally new play we’d never had expected, and try to keep off the carpets.
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So upon returning home yesterday I was told I needed to check the camera after I asked what happened in the den.

Stuffed animal parts were all over, plastic eyes were in a corner, someone bit a cow’s leg bone in half, and that was just in the first five feet.

We have a new rescue dog in the house, we’re calling him Shaun the Sheep after a stop motion british comedy Wolfgang likes. He was playing with Wog, it seems.

Apparently something WEIRD happened while I was out:



Oh, the blankets had to be washed too.
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I noticed a while back that salamanders always tend to look like they're smiling, so I found this picture on the internet.

It's just a simple shot of a happy newt, and, concealed behind the hand, his happy newt rear.

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I noticed an error in a Charlie Brown Christmas, and I thought I'd helpfully correct it for the modern age:

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Now for something fun. It’s been a very strange week. I have seen in the last part of the semester people coming to school dressed in various sweaters and hoodies of Boba Fett, the Assassin’s Creed guy, Darth Vader, the Tardis, and so on. Plus one girl who came with what looked like a Link from Zelda costume. Very odd.

Then tonight Richard brought me an early Christmas present (the larger robot in the picture), and putting it on my shelf with other purple and red toys (plus R2D2 as he also had one eye) I found something odd:

Sailor Saturn is cosplaying Shockwave from Transformers.



I think I need to make a Figuarts compatible arm cannon now...
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Ok, I am going to go out on a limb and assume that the fan community will hate me for saying this, despite the fact that I’m the guy who once took a picture of his WW2 Japanese parade saber and his Darth Tyrannus light saber just to laugh:



I admit it: I am sick of the Jedi. I have no problem with the concept at all, but the issue I see is, we ALWAYS see the Jedi of some sort being the ‘critical’ person to the plot, rather it’s to derail the good guys (Sith) or be the good guys (Jedi proper) or to waffle indecisively between good and bad (the entire prequel trilogy). I don’t see how this amazing galaxy full of life has no other interesting characters of any sort, apparently. I also don’t like how only those who have power that the average person will never be able to hope to obtain are the ONLY ones who matter at all, despite the fact that the lot of them were killed en masse by ordinary troops with rifles.

I do expect the movie to be a visual effects treat, and I do plan to see it, but I’m going to go into it assuming that the main characters will, of course, be force sensitive, because if they aren’t, they obviously don’t matter. I also took advantage of people’s impulse buying to stick an original X-wing kit on e-bay right after the trailer.

Meanwhile, in the upcoming Star Trek Sequel:

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Seeing Wolfgang playing with his Thomas trains (and having accidents on the track) combined with the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade inspired this short little piece-

From a book never written, “Curious George meets Thomas the Train”

George was curious. What did this lever do?

Thomas screamed. Screamed like the breaks of a cart rolling straight into hell.

“Oh, my, what a horrible visual imagery!” Thomas thought as his life flashed before his eyes-
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I’m thinking that politics is simply a matter of delusion, as I’ve heard both parties in recent history talking about their ‘permanent’ majorities, only to have them torn apart a short time later after they pass something stupid.

As such, let me clarify things for Democrats, Republicans, and any other party that ever happens to face an American election:

The American people do not like you, whoever you are, and if you tick them off they will eat you alive.

I think that sums it up?
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