Aug. 6th, 2015

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I noticed horoscopes are never that great, but would probably work better if people used old movies instead of astrology. My horror-scope made using this method proved surprisingly helpful the other week: "You will be tempted to make an alliance with Dracula and the Wolfman. Hire the Creature from the Black Lagoon to guard the moat when the peasants storm your castle after you reanimate that corpse. Fools, you'll show them all!"

This method is a lot better than my idea for modifying the Roman methods of divination through reading the flight of birds. I tried to use the movements of a pug-dog and my forecast came out as "You will lie face down respiring entirely through snorts, only to wake yourself up with a loud fart, causing you to run in little circles barking hysterically". This is why it's a good idea to interpret these omens less literally.

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